I’m 50… Why am I still afraid?

Fear… it sure can be an interesting thing. I’m 50 years old. You would think that with all of the experiences in my lifetime, I could conquer fear. But here I am, finding myself thinking about changes in my life, and once again, I feel fear.

In my experiences, I have found that there are a few different kinds of fear. One, of course, is the fear of change. Why do we fear change? Thinking about this for a while I started to think maybe it’s because we get so comfortable in our regular space. For example, I get up every day, I go to work, my work routine is basically predictable, I come home, and I do the things I typically do on a weeknight. On the weekends, I follow the same routine. I wake up, I eat breakfast, I work out, I do housework or schoolwork, I spend a little time on self-care, and I go to bed. It seems very boring, yet comfortable.

Then there is the fear of failure. By 50, we all seem to think we have it all figured out, right? We have been through the past 3 decades learning how to adult successfully, and we are finally at a point where we can enjoy life. Myself, I have a steady job, a good income, and can basically do whatever I want (within reason). The fear is that what if I fail and lose it all????

As a perfectionist…and I know there are a few of us out there…there is also the fear of disappointing someone. What if I do something that would make my daughter see me different? Something that would make me not continue to be a role model for kids and teachers? Scary, right?

What this is all boils down to is this…I think I am having a mid life crisis! Not one of those crazy ones where I am buying sports cars, taking exotic vacations, etc…but one that is making me question my life. AND, I really have designed my life to be easy and comfortable…AND boring! It is definitely time for change! I am working toward something completely new and different…and very exciting (details soon!)! Now, I just have to find the ways to conquer my fears so that I can live the life that I imagine!

Stay tuned, my friends!

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